I have a friend who is a professional wedding planner. She has helped people with their wedding events for over 20 years. Sometimes, I help out on the big weddings to ensure that everything runs smoothly for the happy couple.
My friend has a good record of predicting the longevity of the marriages just from the wedding planning experience. These are some of her observations for those who tend to stay married:
- The groom is a real part of the planning, not a silent presence.
- Both the bride and groom are respectful of each other’s ideas.
- They want their wedding to be nice, but they are easygoing, welcome ideas, and talk alot about how they want their guests to enjoy the event.
- They have small to reasonable size wedding budgets.
- They have a small to reasonable size number of attendants.
- Their focus is on small, meaningful personal touches rather than glam and glitz to impress guests.
- They are always polite to all the hired help.
- They are always polite to their parents and siblings.
And these are her observations of the marriages that struggle or end in a short period of time:
- The bride does almost all the decision-making and planning without the groom.
- Early on, there are not requests, but demands and threats throughout the planning phase.
- Big budget, luxury touches, and late payments to vendors, and constant arguing over costs.
- Rejection of all ideas and compromises, believe that only the bride can make the decision.
- Treatment of vendors and staff help is indifferent, rude, or outright demeaning.
- During the wedding, the bride and groom are not together, except for the expected moments of the first dance, cutting the cake, etc.
- The groom comes in at the last minute and complains, treats the staff like it is their fault, and generally sulks.
- Getting drunk is the goal at the wedding reception.
- Ongoing, public fighting with parents, siblings, bridal party members during planning and on the day of…